


older than time itself

by always_an_anxious_mess



Series: don’t be so scared of the dark (it’s my only friend) [6]
Category: Minecraft - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Eldritch Horror, And Phil, I am once again ignoring my academic responsibilities in favor of writing fic, Somethings wrong with Tommy, Technos not having a fun day today, Wilburs lost it, and Tubbo, eldritch horror, your welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27412156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/always_an_anxious_mess/pseuds/always_an_anxious_mess
Relationships: I am a god among men, three updates in one day
Series: don’t be so scared of the dark (it’s my only friend) [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998460
Comments: 308
Kudos: 1123
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	1. Chapter 1

Tommy cared for Phil and Tubbo, but really no one else.

Humans were tiny, fragile little beings who’s lives lasted for a blink in the grand scheme of the universe. They would die, Tommy would live. It had been that way since life first spawned into existence.

Life had been an accident.

Tommy knew this. He’d been there, of course, when the first ever tiny microorganisms spawned by the right solutions just happening to mix at the most unfortunate of times.

Some tried to argue that life was not created then, if Tommy had been there to witness it. Life would have been created when Tommy was created.

But Tommy had always existed. And he was not alive in the same sense of the word. The various bodies he had created in his existence were alive. But he himself was not.

He had not had a body when life was spawned. Nor had he had a body before then. Therefore, he was not the beginning of life.

Those tiny microorganisms turned into everything that was considered alive in the present day. From fish and algae to humans and trees.

Phil was the first human he grew attached to, despite his determination to avoid attachment to things that would be gone in a blink.

He’d turned the man in a desperate effort to extend his life, so that way Tommy would never have to say goodbye. Though Phil had no idea that was the real reasoning behind Tommy’s offer.

It had worked. Phil would not die. He’d effectively turned a human immortal, and Phil didn’t even know that had been his true motivation behind it.

Phil didn’t even know he was immortal now.

Tommy wasn’t human. He didn’t experience human emotion. He didn’t feel guilty or remorseful for turning Phil without explaining the consequences. ~~But he did.~~ He didn’t feel anger whenever Phil was hurt. ~~But he did. So much.~~

He didn’t feel emotion.

~~Until he did.~~

He wasn’t soft.

~~Until he was.~~

He didn’t need them.

~~Until he did.~~

Tommy didn’t like Wilbur’s singing and he didn’t like Techno’s never ending sarcasm. He didn’t like the way Wilbur teased him and the way Techno deadpanned when he found something funny but didn’t want to admit it. He didn’t like Wilbur’s laugh and Techno’s hair and Wilbur’s courage and Techno’s determination. HE DIDN’T LIKE THEM.

THEY WERE HUMAN.

THEY WERE AFRAID OF HIM.

JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

HE DIDN’T LIKE THEM.

~~But he did~~.

There fear of him was delicious, but he got bored of the way its smell clogged his nose.

Tubbo was refreshing. No fear from him could stink up his nose until he couldn’t smell anything else. That’s why he liked Tubbo so much. He was like Phil. He liked him for who he was instead of ignoring him because of the instinctual fear that resonated in his heart.

The minute that the crossbows started pointing in their direction after the election, Tommy grabbed Wilbur and yanked him along.

Wilbur had been fighting him, desperately trying to pull away as the smell of Wilbur’s fear flooded through Tommy’s senses, making it hard to concentrate on getting Wilbur out safely.

So he’d done something risky. Something he’d never done to someone he actually cared about before.

He reached into Wilbur’s mind, found the primal fear, and yanked it out. Admittedly with no particular gracefulness or carefulness.

Tommy didn’t notice what he’d left behind, only focusing on what he’d taken out.

“Your panic will not help you,” he had told Wilbur, before leaving his mind.

But he’d never truly left.

He hadn’t noticed.

He didn’t care for Wilbur or Techno. They were scared of him. He didn’t like the humans who were scared of him.

~~Until he did.~~

———

Tommy entered Pogtopia and found Wilbur standing there.

Staring at him.

Tubbo had gone to Manburg, to fuck with Schlatt and Quackity and still make it look like he was on their side. Can’t have a rebellion without a spy, is what he had said.

So Tommy was alone with Wilbur. Who the fuck knew where Techno was.

Wilbur’s eyes were dull and dark, but were fixed on him with an intensity that Tommy couldn’t quite place. He looked even worse than he had that morning, swaying from side to side, clearly unsteady on his feet and twitching.

“Wilbur?” Tommy tilted his head at him. “Are you alright big man?”

Wilbur laughed, a dry, pain-filled laugh that hit Tommy directly in the heart and dug it’s claws in. Human emotions. Tommy wasn’t good at those. Why were they affecting him anyhow?

Wilbur didn’t say anything after he was done laughing, just continued to stare at him and twitch.

“Wilbur...” Tommy felt another thing stab into his heart and resonate outward. Another human emotion.

“Are you proud of yourself?” Wilbur asked suddenly. His voice raspy and quiet and emotionless. “For what you did to me?”

“What?” Tommy, for the first time in his very long existence, was baffled.

“You dug your claws in and never let go, huh?” Wilbur’s voice grew louder, but it was still emotionless. “Playing with me? Wanting to see how long it took before I broke? Is this just a fun game to you?”

“What the fuck are you going on about?” Confusion was a new emotion for Tommy, and he hated it.

“YOU DON’T GET TO PLAY DUMB HERE!” Wilbur roared. Fury was rolling off of him in ways, mixing with his fear and creating a sour smell that made Tommy wrinkle his nose in disgust. “I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE! I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING! LET ME GO!”

Tommy stood his ground, unfazed. “About time you figured out what I was, you idiot. What am I letting you go of?”

“DON’T PLAY DUMB!” Wilbur turned less furious and desperation seeped into his voice. There were tears rolling down his cheeks and he sank to his knees. “Let mego, please. I’ll do whatever you want just let me go. I can’t take it anymore. It’s like having a goddamn voice in the back of your head, and it won’t shut up and it’s plaguing your thoughts. Please, let me go. I’ll do anything. Please.”

Tommy just stared at him blankly in confusion. Techno had come up from below, and was now standing on the opposite side of the room. “Wilbur, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bullshit!” Wilbur cried. “Just let me go! Please!”

“I don’t know what you want me to do!” Tommy shouted back, frustration worming it’s way through him. His illusion was slipping. He could feel it. He desperately tried to keep it pulled up. “I don’t know what you’re going on about!”

“The hole!” Wilbur yelled in frustration and desperation. “The fucking hole you ripped in my head! The one that you’ve tangled yourself into!”

“What hole?!” Tommy’s confusion was pouring off him in waves at this point.

Wilbur was hysterical by now, his words coming out fast and incomprehensible even to Tommy’s magnified hearing.

Tommy stared at him for a moment before stepping forward.

Wilbur violently flinched away from him, hard enough that he fell over.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” He shrieked. “DON’T COME NEAR ME!”

Tommy looked up, meeting Techno’s gaze. The man, for once, was not expressionless. He was horrified.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with him,” Tommy said honestly. “I can figure out what’s wrong but I need to touch him.”

“You dug a fucking hole in his mind,” Techno spat, anger and fear in his eyes.

“Do you mean what I did while we were running away from the election?” Tommy asked. “Because I put it back the fear back afterwards. I just needed him to stop fighting me long enough for us to get to safety.”

“The way he’s described it, you did put it back but you fucking left like.. your fingers in his head or something!” Techno yelled.

“I did what?” Tommy really didn’t like the feeling of being this confused. He shook his head, trying to clear away the emotion before stepping closer to Wilbur again.

Techno threw himself in front of Wilbur. “Don’t touch him,” he snarled.

“I’m trying to figure out how to help,” Tommy let his expression fall blank as he narrowed his eyes at Techno. “I’m not afraid to hurt you if I need to, regardless of what Phil will say.”

~~Liar. Liar. Liar. LIAR. You care. You don’t want to hurt them. You aren’t even protecting them just for Phil anymore.~~

The traitorous thoughts were getting harder and harder to ignore. They’d been getting louder lately. He couldn’t push them away as easily anymore.

Growling, Tommy physically shook his head violently to dispel the traitorous thoughts.

“Move, Techno,” he snapped. “Before I move you.”

Techno did not move, his eyes narrowed. “Guess you’re moving me, then.”

Tommy stared at him for a moment. “Wait you’re serious?”

“Yeah, move me.”

Tommy went to take a step forward, preparing to chuck Techno into the wall or something, but found himself hesitating against his better judgement.

~~WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.~~

~~WHY CAN’T I JUST DO IT.~~

~~MOVE HIM ALREADY.~~

~~MOVE.~~

Tommy was older than time itself. He’d drowned entire civilizations in blood and tears. And he couldn’t force himself to move a single human.

Tommy snarled, a low, echoing, distorted noise. Partly in frustration and party to see if he could scare Techno into backing down.

Techno shuddered fiercely, his fists clenching to hide how they were shaking. But he didn’t move.

They continued to stare at each other, Tommy unblinking.

WHY CAN’T I FUCKING MOVE HIM.

HES HUMAN.

HES SCARED OF ME.

WHY DO I CARE ABOUT WHETHER I HURT HIM OR NOT.

Tommy was shaking with frustration at himself. What was wrong with him?

“Wait,” Wilbur’s croaky voice broke through the silence, causing both of them to focus on him instead. “I thought you didn’t care about us.”

Tommy ground his teeth together in frustration. “I don’t.” Liar.

“Liar,” Wilbur’s eyes were looking less dull now. “Whatever you did is a two-way street. I can see into your mind just as well as you can see into mine. Though seeing into yours is like sticking my hands into congealed blood.” Wilbur shuddered and put his head in his hands. “Please get rid of it. Please. I can’t-”

“We should go to Phil,” Tommy turned and muted his thoughts as best as he could. “I have an idea to destroy the link, but I need to ask Phil first.”

“Why?” Techno asked.

“Because the process may be... complicated,” Tommy did not like the idea of turning Wilbur, but it could be the only option. It was definitely something he had to consult Phil on first, especially since Wilbur was not in his best mental state.

You don’t fuck with others’ kin. It had been ingrained into Tommy’s mind since the beginning of time. As were a few other pieces of advice. If Tommy turned Wilbur when Wilbur wasn’t in the state of mind to consent to it, there would be hell to pay.

Tommy sighed and crouched down, staring at Wilbur. “I wasn’t aware of the link. I didn’t put it there on purpose. I swear it.”

Wilbur didn’t look up, still shivering and clutching his head.

“We need to get to Phil as soon as possible,” Tommy stood back up straight and turned away from them before pausing as a grin wormed its way onto his face. “Or we could just get Phil here as soon as possible.”

“I don’t like where this is going,” Techno deadpanned.

Tommy laughed as he prodded at a familiar mind thousands of miles away.

The mind hummed back a quick response.

Tommy’s grin grew wider as he extended a hand out to the air, latched onto the mind of the person, and gave a sharp tug.

The universe groaned underneath his influence, but relented. And with a sharp pop, there was Philza, holding onto Tommy’s hand and looking very nauseous.

“What the fuck,” Phil said, looking at Tommy with wide eyes. Before promptly doubling over and vomiting onto the stone floor.


	2. Chapter 2

“Tommy,” Phil warned, wiping his mouth as he straightened up. “What have I said about consent?”

“I asked if you were alone!” Tommy protested.

“But you didn’t ask if you could do... whatever you just did,” Phil pointed out.

“I pulled you through the fabric of the universe to get you here quicker, I forgot it’s a bit nauseating if you’ve never experienced it before,” Tommy kicked his feet at the ground. “I couldn’t exactly bring them to you, considering I pretty sure that would kill them.”

“Phil?” Wilbur asked weakly. “Tell Tommy to let me go. Please.”

“Now that sounds bad,” Tommy looked anywhere but Phil at the moment, who turned to glare at him at that point. “Let me explain. I accidentally and unknowingly created a link between me and him. Humans can’t handle links between unnaturals and themselves. His mind is eating itself. I’m surprised he’s lasted this long, honestly.”

“WHAT?!” That was Techno.

“You’re mentioning this only now?!” Phil’s anger was permeating the air and it made Tommy wrinkle his nose at the smell.

“I found out not even five minutes ago!” Tommy protested. “I hadn’t noticed the link until he confronted me about being in his head and I realized what was going on.”

“What can we do about it?” Phil was obviously trying to calm down, but his anger was very fierce and very obvious, at least to Tommy.

“That’s why you’re here,” Tommy glanced at both Techno and Phil. “He’s not in the right state to agree to this on his own. So I’m asking the both of you. The only way to fix this and it not be an issue anymore is for me to turn him.”

“Absolutely not,” Techno spat.

“The only other option is for me to constantly monitoring him and siphoning out the effects of the link several times a day for the rest of his life,” Tommy retorted. “You can’t just remove a link. Turning him would make it so it won’t destroy his mind.”

“You and Phil and Tubbo can be as creepy as you want,” Techno did not look pleased. “But me and Wilbur don’t want anything to do with this.”

“Even if it was to save his life?” Tommy asked. “Trust me, turning Wilbur is the last thing I want to do.” Liar.

“Liar,” Wilbur echoed.

Tommy gritted his teeth together and pushed the traitorous thoughts down as far as he could so Wilbur wouldn’t be able to see them accidentally.

“I’ll only do it if I have to,” he hissed. Or if they asked him to.

“You’re being confusing,” Wilbur mumbled. “You say one thing and then something else shows up in my head from you.”

“Wilbur, stop,” Tommy let a warning slip into his tone.

He was having enough trouble trying to figure out his own thoughts, he didn’t need another person commenting on them.

“Why, what’s wrong with your thoughts? Do you just not like them?” Wilbur said croakily.

“STOP!” Tommy clamped his hands over his ears, even though he knew it wouldn’t help. “This is not what this is about! I don’t need you echoing everything I’m thinking.” Especially when I don’t want to think them in the first place.

Wilbur stared at him with confused, dull eyes. “Just fix the stupid hole. Then I won’t hear them.”

“I can’t fix the damn hole!” Tommy retorted. “There is no fixing a link! It’s permanent! I didn’t want you in my head, and I can’t kick you out no matter what I try! Now that I’m actually fucking aware of it, you’re just always THERE. I didn’t want this!”

“I didn’t want it either!”

“Boys!” Phil shouted, causing the both of them to fall silent and turn towards him. “Wilbur, do you understand what Tommy is wanting to do in order to save your life?”

“No?” Wilbur shook his head.

“You’ll be like Phil, and Tubbo,” Tommy let go of his ears, not noticing the black blood that was staining his fingertips from where his claws had dug into his skin. “Not as full-blown eldritch as me, but unnatural like they are.”

“Eldritch..? That’s what you are!” Techno’s eyes lit up with the realization. “An eldritch horror!”

Tommy turned to him, amusement flicking through him at Techno’s reaction. “It’s a more common name humans gave me for what I am, yes.”

“Anyways,” Phil cut them off. “I’m fine with you turning him. Techno isn’t. Wilbur, it’s up to you here.”

“It’ll get rid of the hole?” Wilbur asked weakly.

“No,” Tommy shifted uncomfortably. “But the link won’t hurt you after. Human minds can’t handle links between things like me, but if I turn you, the most it’ll be is a mild inconvenience for the both of us.” More so for me than for you.

“Whatever, I don’t care. Just let me go, please,” Wilbur was curling in on himself again.

Tommy glanced at Phil and Techno for confirmation. Phil nodded, and Techno followed suit a moment later.

Tommy lowered himself until he was sitting on the ground, mentally reaching out and latching onto Wilbur’s mind. There was a hole there, where the link was.

Okay, start there.

He wasn’t sure how to describe the process of turning someone. It was like taking a fully finished painting and throwing a bucket of black paint at it. The black paint didn’t cover all of the painting, but it covered the important bits.

Tommy watched as Wilbur changed. Nothing happened physically, of course. But he could sense the moment that everything shifted due to the link.

Wilbur’s eyes were no longer dull, he didn’t seem as distant anymore.

Wilbur blinked rapidly, and Tommy felt the holes in Wilbur’s mind start to fix themselves, but the one that was created by the link remained the same.

“What the fuck,” Wilbur said, his voice more clear.

“I’m sorry,” Tommy got back onto his feet. “It was the only way.”

“You’re head is like swimming through something with the consistency of honey,” Wilbur grunted. “And the texture, too. It’s like... sticky. But it’s not revolting anymore.”

“Glad to know I’m revolting,” Tommy deadpanned. “Also, stay out of here.” He gestured to his head.

“Would if I could,” Wilbur grunted, standing up and barely righting himself when he almost fell over. “Oh... this is weird. It’s like, I still hate you, but I’m not scared of you anymore.” _“Fuck, I’m dizzy.”_

“You’re dizzy?” Tommy echoed.

“Stay out of my head, fuckface,” Wilbur shot him a look.

“Would if I could,” Tommy snarked back. “You could say thank you, y’know. I did just save your life.”

“YOUR THE REASON IT WAS IN DANGER IN THE FIRST PLACE!” Wilbur hissed, before blinking in confusion at the sound he just made.

“Like I said, it was an accident,” Tommy crossed his arms in defiance.

“Children,” Phil said in a warning tone, causing the both of them to turn to him.

“You do know I’m older than you right?” Tommy pointed out. “By uh... man who the fuck knows anymore. I’m older than life itself, bitch. Checkmate.”

“Great comeback,” Wilbur deadpanned.

“I do not like this already,” Techno drawled. “We were outnumbered before but now I’m just the only normal person left.”

Tommy shot Techno a grin.

“God, you guys are going to peer pressure me into joining your creepyfest, I’m predicting it now,” Techno winced slightly. “Go do your spooky thing, I’m going to go farm potatoes.”

Tommy stared after him as he left, going down the stairs and into Pogtopia.

Great going, genius. Tommy thought to himself. Doomed another human you care about to immortality.

“Wait what?” Wilbur turned and gave him a confused look. “You didn’t mention anything about immortality.”

“Immortality?” Phil raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“His thoughts,” Wilbur gestured towards Tommy, who’d frozen. “Ask him.”

Tommy stared at them wide-eyed. Thoughts weren’t private anymore, goddamnit. He wasn’t sure how he’d forgotten.

“Stay out of my head,” Tommy growled, starting to turn to leave.

A hand clamped down on his shoulder. Wilbur’s hand.

Tommy raised his eyes and met Wilbur’s gaze with a murderous look in his eye. “You may be immortal now, but I can still rip you to shreds and leave you healing for hours, motherfucker.” He snarled.

“What are you talking about, he’s immortal?” Phil asked, his eyes narrowing.

“Don’t look so jealous,” Tommy snarked. “You are too. So’s Tubbo. And me, obviously.”

“You didn’t say anything about immortality,” Phil sounded upset. “You didn’t mention that at all, Tommy. That’s important information!”

“Would you have accepted it if I had told you?” Tommy asked quietly. “Would you have? I didn’t want to be alone again in a few decades, watch you grow old while I stay the same.”

“That’s still something you mention, Tommy!” Phil was frustrated. “You still TELL US that we’ll be immortal BEFORE you turn us!”

Tommy stared at him, silent.

WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO.

I DIDN’T WANT TO BE ALONE AGAIN.

I CAN’T BE ALONE AGAIN.

I CAN’T WATCH YOU DIE.

I CARE ABOUT YOU, YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER.

I CARE ABOUT ALL OF YOU.

EVEN THOSE DUMBASSES WHO ARE SCARED OF ME.

I COULDN’T JUST WATCH YOU DIE.

please don’t leave me alone again.

Tommy was trembling again. FUCK HUMAN EMOTIONS. FUCK THEM. I DON’T NEED THEM. I DON’T NEED ANYONE.

“Tommy...” Wilbur sounded concerned, and slightly pained. “Tommy wait, that’s not-”

Tommy ignored him, mentally reaching down into the body he’d created from nothing and returned it to what it had been.

Nothing.

The smell of Phil’s anger halted the instant they saw him crumble into nothingness.

But Tommy didn’t stick around to see what happened. He scattered his being across the SMP like leaves in the wind, specifically ignoring Pogtopia.

...

i don’t need anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I rushed this too much :/
> 
> I WILL BE GETTING TO REPLYING TO COMMENTS SOON I PROMISE


	3. Chapter 3

It was freeing.

Not having a body was freeing, especially since he’d spent several months with one and didn’t change it at all the entire time.

So just drifting among the air, spread out over dozens of miles, it was refreshing.

_“Tommy.”_

There were whispers through the wind, calling him. Calling him back towards Pogtopia.

Tommy didn’t want to go back.

What had he been thinking, turning a bunch of humans? And for what, just to be burned in the end after he gifted them cursed them with the same immortality that he himself had grown to hate after his countless years of existence?

He should have known better.

He let himself grow soft over a bunch of mortals.

This was his own fault.

He never should have shown up on Phil’s doorstep that day.

Not having a body was freeing, but it was also lonely.

So he’d sought out company, and look where it had gotten him? Back to the wind, merely existing among the bugs and leaves in the air. Not visible.

_“Tommy.”_

Tommy knew who was calling for his attention. The only person who could still reach him when he didn’t have ears. Because of a mistake.

Wilbur.

Tommy hadn’t liked Wilbur much in the beginning. He was annoying and full of himself and so, so very skittish. He had been fun to play with at first, because Techno didn’t give as good reactions, but Tommy grew tired of the smell of Wilbur’s fear. He grew tired of how jumpy he was.

Wilbur was insufferable.

Yet Tommy made him immortal to save his life before the madness of being linked to an unknown being killed him.

Tommy didn’t care for Wilbur.

YES YOU DO.

The link wasn’t as pronounced now that Tommy didn’t have a physical body. He couldn’t hear Wilbur’s thoughts, but he could hear what Wilbur wanted him to hear. It was probably the same on Wilbur’s end.

_“Tommy.”_

Tommy sped away from Pogtopia, collecting his consciousness into a particular spot in Manburg and reforming his body.

He was on the bench that he and Tubbo would always meet at.

It was nighttime. When had the sun set?

Hours must have passed, maybe even longer.

_“My head is fucking killing me, I swear to God.”_

Tommy looked up, even though he knew Wilbur was probably nowhere near him.

_“Tubbo’s pissed at us. I don’t think Phil has told Techno about Tommy vanishing yet. Phil’s pissed too, but more at himself. I wish that little fucker hadn’t left like that.”_

Tommy rolled his eyes. Yeah right. Wilbur had said before that he hated him.

_“Wait, Tommy?”_

He froze, trying to stamp down any thoughts that could reveal his location. He wasn’t going to go back right now, he couldn’t.

_“Tommy where did you go? It’s been hours. Phil’s worried. I’m pretty sure Tubbo’s about to slit my throat with those claws of his if we don’t find you soon.”_

**“You’ll heal,”** Tommy wasn’t concerned. This was the first time he was sending something through the link on purpose. It was strange.

_“It is you! God, you’re okay then? Phil’s going to be so relieved. Where are you? Why couldn’t I reach you before?”_

Tommy paused, not really wanting to answer any of those questions. **“They’re still upset with me,”** it wasn’t a question.

_“Phil’s upset that you didn’t tell him. Tubbo, and I quote, “he’s all i got left, i don’t give a shit”.”_

**“What about you?”**

_“I think immortality’s pretty cool.”_ Wilbur was being careful with his choice of words. _“The circumstances are a little different for me, considering you were trying to save my life. It was kind of shitty of you not to tell them, but I can hear your thoughts. I know you’re reasoning.”_

Tommy went silent, not wanting to respond.

_“Tubbo wants me to say something.”_

**“Yeah?”**

_“He says, and I quote: “get the fuck back here you little bitch i miss you”.”_

Tommy laughed. Something bright was sparking in the back of his mind that made him feel warm.

It faded, though.

**“Are you sure Phil wants me to come back?”**

There was silence for a few seconds.

And that silence dragged on for minutes.

_“Yeah, I’m sure. I went to go ask him.”_

Tommy stood up, glancing around as he made his way back to Pogtopia. His heart was beating fast the whole way there, increasing in speed the closer he got to it. It was making it hard to breathe, hard to think.

He found himself next to the hill that was the entrance to Pogtopia, but he couldn’t bring himself to go inside.

This was a human emotion, Tommy knew. Something he’d never felt before. He wanted to just go into Pogtopia and get it over with but he physically couldn’t.

His body wasn’t listening to him.

He couldn’t breathe.

He couldn’t think.

Something was wrong.

Tommy hadn’t realized he had fallen onto his knees until someone was on the ground in front of him. Hands grabbed either side of his face and suddenly he was looking into someone’s eyes.

It was Wilbur.

“Hey, listen to me, focus on me,” Wilbur urged. “It’s okay, just focus on me, Tommy.”

Tommy grabbed onto Wilbur’s hands, trying to ground himself. “Something’s wrong. This is a human emotion. I’m not supposed to feel those!” His voice was higher than usual.

“It’s okay, just focus on me. Don’t look anywhere else, just me,” Wilbur was staring intensely at Tommy’s face. “Focus on me, Tommy. Breathe.”

I don’t understand. I don’t understand.

“I know, it’s okay. Just breathe.”

Tommy clutched Wilbur’s hands like a lifeline. He didn’t understand what was happening. What was going on? Why was this happening?

But he could feel himself slowly returning to normal. Thinking was becoming easier, and so was breathing.

“What the fuck was that?” Tommy’s voice sounded wrong. It was shaky, it sounded weak. That wasn’t normal.

“You had a panic attack,” Wilbur let go of him, but Tommy still held onto his hands to keep himself grounded.

“That’s a human thing,” Tommy swallowed. “I’m not supposed to feel that. This isn’t supposed to be happening, Wilbur.”

“We’ll figure it out, okay?” Wilbur gave him a sympathetic look. Tommy didn’t like it very much.

“TOMMY YOU BITCH!” There was a shriek, and someone plowed into him, knocking him over.

Instantly, Tommy was grinning, and he started wrestling with Tubbo. It had become a game over the days since Tubbo was turned, to see who could pin the other first. Claws allowed, as long as you didn’t hit the eyes or major organs.

The familiar actions helped erase the feeling that had succumbed him earlier.

“I’VE BEAT YOUR ASS BEFORE!” Tubbo shrieked. “I’LL DO IT AGAIN!”

“I LET YOU WIN!” Tommy protested, managing to plop himself down on Tubbo’s chest and push the boy’s shoulders into the grass.

Tubbo wriggled, slicing his claws across Tommy’s arms, but he didn’t move.

“VIVA LA REVOLUTION!” Someone bellowed, and Tommy was being tackled again, by Wilbur this time.

“YES! GET HIM WILBUR!” Tubbo cackled.

“THIS WAS NOT THE ORIGINAL DEAL!” Tommy shrieked, throwing Wilbur off of him and scrambling to his feet. “You don’t even have claws!”

“I’ll improvise!” Wilbur called cheerfully, and Tommy was tackled from behind by Tubbo.

“STOP FUCKING KNOCKING ME OVER!” Tommy kicked Tubbo in the chest as the younger boy cackled.

Wilbur managed to get on top of Tommy and push his shoulders onto the grass, while Tubbo was pinning his legs.

“We won,” Wilbur grinned at him.

“By cheating,” Tommy hissed, but there was no anger behind it. He then grinned. “You’re eyes are glowing. And you’re touching me without freaking out.”

“Well, you did turn me,” Wilbur jabbed him in the ribs before climbing off of him, wincing slightly. _“Maybe I actually like this kid. Fuck, my head.”_

“Not a kid. I’m literally older than life itself,” Tommy kicked at Tubbo until he let him go.

“I’m gonna fucking kill you if you ever do that again,” Tubbo threatened. “You ran off! And didn’t say anything! I will snap you in half like a goddamn stick, and that is a threat.”

“I believe you,” Tommy was chuckling, and he raised his hands in mock-surrender.

Tubbo glared at him for another second, until he pulled him into a tight hug. Tommy hugged him back.

“I don’t want to break this up,” Wilbur’s voice sounded slightly pained, and it confused Tommy enough for him to look over at Wilbur. He was holding his head as if he was in pain, and Tommy could spot blood staining his fingers. “Phil’s waiting to apologize to you.”

“Are you okay Wilbur?” Tubbo asked.

“You’re bleeding,” Tommy commented, letting go of Tubbo and scooting forward to force Wilbur to move his hands.

“It feels like someone’s trying to stab me in the head, but reversed,” Wilbur groaned, not letting go of his head. “Like something is trying to shove itself out of my skull.”

“Must be your trait,” Tommy hummed. “Tubbo got claws, Phil got wings. Your trait must be coming through. Let’s get you to bed so you don’t accidentally knock yourself out by walking around when you’re like this.”

“Okay,” Wilbur mumbled, allowing Tubbo and Tommy to help him stand up and walked him into Pogtopia. They laid him down on the bed on the top level, and Wilbur promptly passed out.

“His trait coming in must be pretty painful for him to have passed out so quickly,” came a quiet voice from the staircase. Tommy turned, spotting Phil standing there with a guilty look on his face.

“He said it felt like something trying to push out of his skull,” Tommy hummed. “He was bleeding.”

He heard Tubbo slink out of Pogtopia in an attempt to give him and Phil privacy.

Phil gestured towards the stairs, and Tommy followed him down. They didn’t want to wake up Wilbur, after all.

As soon as they had made it to the bottom of the ravine, Tommy started rambling.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the immortality thing,” he was talking too fast, driven by a feeling that shouldn’t be there but that he couldn’t shove away. “I- being like this is just so lonely. I finally found someone who didn’t care about being scared and I didn’t want to let go of you. I didn’t want to watch you die, Phil. I couldn’t. I didn’t even know if it’d work when I offered it to you. I just knew I couldn’t lost you. I was desperate. And it worked. Please, please don’t leave me alone again. Please. I’ll do anything just please don’t leave. Don’t-”

“Tommy,” Phil’s hands placed themselves on Tommy’s shoulders, cutting him off. “I’m not going to leave. I promise.”

Tommy stared at him dumbly. Even with Wilbur’s reassurances, he hadn’t believed that Phil wasn’t actually angry with him.

“I’m not going anywhere Tommy,” Phil said gently. “I’m upset that you didn’t tell me, yes. But I was more scared when you disappeared without a word. And that Wilbur couldn’t get in touch with you afterward even with the link. He told me everything, Tommy. I forgive you.”

Tommy felt something warm run down his face, and, confused, he reached up to touch the liquid. It was clear, and not black like his blood as he’d been expecting it to be. It looked like water, coming from his eyes.

I’m... crying?

His breath stuttered, and he felt more of the tears run down his cheeks and Phil pulled him into a hug.

“I don’t understand,” Tommy mumbled as his shoulders shook, clutching onto the back of Phil’s shirt desperately. “I keep feeling things I shouldn’t feel. I was scared, Phil. Scared you were going to leave me alone again. Scared that I was going to lose you and Wilbur and Techno and Tubbo. And earlier, I couldn’t breathe. I was freaking out and I couldn’t force myself to come inside. And now I’m crying. I’ve never cried before.”

“You’re allowed to feel emotion, Tommy,” Phil reassured him.

“But this is HUMAN emotion,” Tommy explained. “I don’t feel those things to this extent, normally at least. Somethings changed.”

“Is that really a bad thing?”

Tommy pulled away, still holding onto Phil but no longer hugging. “What do you mean?”

“Is it really that bad that you feel human emotions?” Phil asked gently, letting go of Tommy with one hand to gently wipe away the tears from Tommy’s face.

Tommy hesitated. “... I’m not supposed to. It’s not right.”

“Are you upset about it?”

“I... I don’t think so? It’s just... new. I don’t know. It feels wrong.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Phil promised. “I promise we will.” He rested his hand on Tommy’s cheek, and Tommy leaned into the touch, closing his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Tommy whispered.

“Oh Tommy,” Phil sounded like he was smiling. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hhhhhhhhhh
> 
> I CRAVE COMMENT

**Author's Note:**

> #GetPhilto1mil
> 
> I am a god among men. I am also currently ignoring my academic responsibilities for y’all so you BETTER LEAVE A GODDAMN COMMENT


End file.
